secrets every woman keeps from her man

The woman you sleep with gazes into your eyes and tells you she loves you. And you believe her. You can tell by the way she looks at you, the way she holds you, the way she seems to always know what you want before you do.

There are a couple of things in life you just know, and love and this naked woman are two of them. But there are a lot of things you don't know. A woman may give you her body and her heart, but there are parts that she'll never give up-pieces woven into the very fibre of her being. Mysteries only hinted at in a passing sly smile, an inscrutable laugh. These are the secrets of lovers past, hidden fantasies, and unshared longings. A woman's deepest secrets that don't-and never will-include you. You're about to sample this hidden knowledge. But like any man who seeks, you'd better be prepared for what you're about to find.

1 My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals-from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings-and she knows how both compare with those of other men I've ever slept with. When my friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It's not going to change.) Ask her about me, or chat with her about our relationship, at your own risk. She will tell me. Even-in fact, especially-if she promises not to. This is not always a bad thing (e.g., if you happen to be telling her how much you love me). But, in general, remember that she is my confidante first, and yours never.

2  Just looking at your hands can turn me on.

3   When you go away, even for a day, I sleep in your favourite old T-shirt because it smells like you.

4   I'll never tell you exactly how many men I've had affairs with. No matter how sincere I appeared when I answered your question, chances are I wasn't. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet.

5  I fantasised about being with you at least a dozen times before we actually first got naked.

6  I still think about my ex boyfriends and compare them to you. Mostly you win. Sometimes not.

7   I have Googled your exes.

8   I obsess about when you're going to call me again. Constantly. The period of time between our first date and your "Thanks for a great evening, when can I see you again?" always seems stretched into slow motion. So don't worry about looking too eager or desperate. Just call. Even if you only wait until lunchtime the day after, it will feel like a lifetime to me. And don't send me an e-mail unless you want me to put you in the fi gurative trash can along with your message.

9  When I'm falling in love with you, I completely lose my appetite.

10   I only appear to have it all together. My true organisation (or lack thereof) is revealed in my closet, my makeup bag, my desk files.

11  I have discovered your porn stash and your frequently visited porn websites, and I think the things that turn you on are hilarious.

12   My body really isn't naturally this hairless and smooth all over. But I will never allow you to see any indication whatsoever of all the shaving, tweezing, waxing, exfoliating, and moisturising that gets it this way.